It doesn’t last forever.

This is not a downer post. At least, that’s not my intention.

I want to talk a bit about friendships at uni. Might add in a bit of comparison between first year and second year, giving some experiences. Sorry – I’m a humanities student… essays are my life and always have been. Analysing is what I do…

Friends. They are so important to our development and well being, and especially to our confidence. I know, I know, you shouldn’t care about what people think, you should just be you. But to a certain extent in this world you are going to care, no matter how hard you try. And if you really genuinely don’t – please share your secret with me!

A bit of history is due here: I’ve always been a people-pleaser. I don’t really know why; I guess it’s because I’m a perfectionist (aren’t we all) and I set really high standards for myself. I’ve been bullied before (who hasn’t?) and I can remember all too well the times when I would speak my mind and say what I was really thinking only to meet crushing rejection and have my ‘friends’ gang up on me and make my life miserable for a few days, until we were ‘friends’ again. (Kids can be cruel right?) I would lose myself in my story writing – or journal the experience, you know, to try and get it all out. Now when I look back, I’ve realised it said more about them than it did about me. I always blamed myself, thought that I was the problem. But really they were just jealous, insecure, and wanted to be in control of their friendship group. Now, I’m not saying I never did anything wrong. But I don’t remember doing much to provoke this treatment.

So it sounds sad, but I never really had many friends most of my life until I got to uni. And even now, I only really have a handful of true friends. Ones I would feel comfortable being 100% myself around. Maybe I just go for quality over quantity…

I also have 2 best friends… Elisha (Ellie) who I’ve known since birth (literally) and Ruth, who I’ve known for probably 5 years now. Ruth goes to uni in Glasgow, and Ellie lives and works in Manchester at the moment, so geographically, we are really far apart. But the amazing thing is our relationships pick up from where they left off when we meet. I have made more friends at uni and it’s really amazing – it’s getting to the point where this whole concept of having only one best friend has become ridiculous, because I have many close friends now.

Anyway… on to the comparison. So before starting uni, I was told I’d make tons of friends. Especially in Freshers week. If you’ve been following my blog long enough, you’ll know that Freshers Week wasn’t all it was cracked up to be for me. Everyone was out partying and getting horrifically drunk, and I personally don’t find the idea of that fun. Especially seeing the aftermath every weekend of such antics. You might call me boring, but actually I just think I stayed true to myself and did what felt right for me. I saved a ton of money which would have been spent on club tickets and alcohol… And I did meet tons of people – but half of them I never spoke to again. Because they only really talked to me when they were drunk… because it made them more confident. Again, it says more about them than it does about me. And it’s OK. You wouldn’t be able to keep track of everyone anyway!

The people I found I really clicked with were those on my course – studying the same things as me and as passionate about them as I was. Also at Church, where there will always be a ready-made community ready to accept you with open arms. I made friends with people in the societies I joined… although I haven’t seen them so much this year because I chose to have more time to focus on what I’m really here for: my degree.

And that’s the thing: you’re here to study. That’s why you’re thousands of pounds in debt. You’re here to get a degree. Sure, friends are great. Societies are great. But things like that, they come and go. Friendships are sometimes only for a season or phase.

It’s hard to grasp, but I’ve come to realise this for myself in the last year or so. I moved around a lot when I was younger – my family moved to Watford (London) for a few years, then back to Worcester, then to Spain, then to Worcester. I changed schools a lot, and got used to making new friends, but also to expecting to probably move again. So as I progressed through school and found that some relationships weren’t the best for my growth, I knew that it wouldn’t last forever. And that’s completely normal. In fact, I think that this was what made my life at uni easier in my first year, socially.

Don’t take all this the wrong way – I’m not saying that you shouldn’t invest in your relationships and keep in touch with people. But if you do happen to lose touch with someone, or you find that they are toxic for you and you grow apart, that’s totally fine. And I hope you know by now that who you hang out with has a profound influence on who we grow into. We do become like our friends, to a certain extent.

Oh, and also, people aren’t perfect. Sometimes, you’re going to get annoyed and want to go home and change the scenery for a couple of days – or even a week. I’m currently at home doing just that. Ok, so it’s not all because of friends and stuff – I was stressed from work and, fortunately, I know the warning signs for when I’m getting burned out. Listen to yourself! If you need a break, take it. Whatever gives you that rest… it’s so important. And if you’re finding your friends get on your nerves… that’s fine. It’s not forever (hopefully) but people will annoy you sometimes. You probably annoy someone else too occasionally. (I know, it’s not often something you would think about yourself.) but yeah.

I used to think that going home was a sign of failure. But then my mum pointed out that this was the first time in a year and a half that I’ve come home when things got rough. It’s not failure, or weakness. Other people just don’t talk about it, but really they are having a similar experience most of the time. Everyone’s trying to be brave… and sometimes it’s best to retreat for a bit and recover. It’ll make you stronger, trust me.

I’m just giving my observations here – feel free to agree or disagree. Comment if you’ve had a similar experience/different experience – I would be really interested to know what you think!

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Brownies

You guys…. LOOK at these!!!

 

 

Want the recipe? Of course you do! The great thing about these (and most recipes I make) is that you usually have all of the ingredients already and they are super simple. The secret ingredient to these is *drumroll* ….. chickpeas! Yup! Chickpeas – they are amazing and give it a chewy texture 🙂

Ingredients:

  • 1 can chickpeas
  • 1.5 cups oats
  • 2 tbsp. maple syrup or agave/ liquid-y sweetener of choice (I would add another tbsp. if you’re using maple syrup and it’s not sweet enough for you – test the batter before you put it in the oven)
  • 2 tbsp. cocoa powder/raw cacao powder
  • 4 tbsp. soy/almond/plant milk (and an extra one-two if the mixture is too dry!)

Chocolate glaze

  • Handful of dates
  • 1/2 cup soy/almond/plant milk
  • 1 heaped tbsp. cocoa powder/raw cacao powder

Method:

1/ Preheat oven to 200 degrees C (Fan 180C/400F/Gas 6) and line / grease a small baking disk 8×8 with baking paper/coconut oil.

2/ Put all ingredients for the brownie into your food processor/blender and mix well.

3/ If the mixture seems too dry add the extra tbsps. of milk

4/ Spread the mixture evenly into the baking dish. It will be quite sticky.

5/ Put in the oven for ~30 mins… I needed less time because I had a fan oven so make sure you check it.

It will have a hard crust when it’s done and will feel like it’s not done in the middle (this makes it chewy!!)

6/ Leave it to cool.

7/ In the meantime make the chocolate glaze by blending the dates and milk in your blender, then transferring them to a small sauce pan and simmering on a lower heat for 5 mins, or until warm and smooth.

8/ Stir in the tbsp. cocoa powder and stir until glossy and smooth. Don’t worry if there are some date chunks left, sometimes they don’t all blend up!

9/ Let the sauce cool down and thicken up before smoothing it on top of your brownies. Cut the brownies into squares/shapes…

10/ Serve!!

 

You can thank me later 😉

 

I’m learning

Hey guys I’m back! (Finally!)

Sorry I haven’t posted in ages I’ve been busy juggling work / sleep / friends / jobs / life generally so I’ve not been able to really sit down and write in ages.

Honestly, my weeks have been quite long and tiring as I’m cycling absolutely everywhere and while it’s great for fitness it does tire you out. On average I cycle between 4.5 – 8 miles+ a day depending on if I’m going to Aldi or town / to meet friends or if I have to make a couple of trips to campus! And then on Thursday I spend 3 hours with other girls in my group for a project we’re doing together trying to joint-write a commentary on a video which was absolutely exhausting – not made any easier by the fact that we’re all feeling a bit upset with one member as she’s not really doing any work but relying on us to do it all!

This term Russian is really biting me in the bum. I mean I understand a lot more than before but it’s still complicated. Still, every little sentence I get right, every word I remember when asked… all of these are little wins in my opinion. It shows progress – and that counts.

Little things are keeping me going – people from back home are sending me lovely little presents which make me smile when I get them out of the postbox – today I got a Nakd fruit and nut bar and I just love them – they have so many flavours but I love the gingerbread one the best ❤ especially at this time of year…. anyone remember my pumpkin sesh last year? Well trust me it’s happening again… the moment Aldi starts selling them I buying one (or more!) and making as much pumpkin soup and pancakes as I can!!!!

Autumn is the best season!

Recently I’ve been really challenged to read my Bible more. We had a preach the Sunday before last about Recycling Prayers… as in, the more you read the Bible, the more that it becomes ingrained in you and then in situations when you don’t know what to pray, you can rely on the things you’ve read in the Bible to guide you.

I thought that was a great idea… so I’m trying to make time to do that in the morning before my day kicks off. I’m also listening to some interesting podcasts from Bethel about laughing at lies and this has been really helpful too. Things like, I can never do that, I’m not good/smart/pretty enough… all of these little things we tell ourselves which so aren’t true!!

I still have 2 jobs – The Ram and Deliveroo, so that adds more cycle time to my already very physically active lifestyle which I kind love if I’m completely honest – it means I don’t have to worry so much about doing a workout – I’m being paid to cycle!! And if I want to get to lectures on time cycling is the quickest way. So it means I do it without thinking, and it just takes the pressure off. And that’s the best kind of exercise because you enjoy it more!! Although not gonna lie the elevation here in Exeter is big!! My thighs were so sore a few weeks ago when I was getting used to it. But at least I’m getting plenty of sleep having worn myself out through the day!!!

So yeah no worries guys I’m still here, alive and well… just being a student I guess!! Hope you like my new recipe which I posted earlier – it was so good and makes a massive batch so you can save it to have through the week if you’re cooking for one or just have it as a family 🙂 It’s amazing what good food can do for the soul!

Here’s the link: https://adventuresofababelfish.wordpress.com/2016/10/14/autumn-chilli/

Hope you all enjoy the beautiful colour and atmosphere that Autumn brings 🙂

 

 

No idea what to call this!

Hello again – sorry about how sparse my posts have been recently! I have kept complaining about work, but I’ve also been ill recently! It’s been cold then hot then cold again so I’ve caught a massive cold and have an earache and sore throat too which is joyful so I’m keeping to myself in my room again. I was also ill over the weekend, so yeah I guess I’m taking a few days to get back to speed!

It’s the second to last week before the end of term 2 and then I finally go on holiday! Well, I go home, not necessarily anywhere exotic – but it’s a change and I feel like I need it. Plus the family will be there (mostly – I’m so jealous but my lil’ sister Beth is going to Spain to brush up on her Spanish before her final exams and my dad is going to Chile for his work too…..).

I have to admit I’ve been partly avoiding certain flatmates too – some of them do get on your nerves from time to time; but because I don’t want to pay an obscene amount of money to hop home for two days I’m going to stick out the last two weeks as best as I can and make the most of the amazing weather. And hills.

My running is really taking off! I can finally run again and it’s amazing! I have so much more energy now and I’m feeling truly amazing. And since starting to wash up first and then eat in my room a bit more I’ve had less digestion problems. I think sometimes the atmosphere in the kitchen gets to me, and because certain members are funny about you leaving anything in the sink for any longer than 10 minutes (or it ends up in the bin or hanging out of the window) I’d got into the habit of not sitting down to eat, and scramming it down and then washing up and getting outta there asap. Naturally my body began protesting. So now I just eat in my room more and it’s so much better, especially as I get to appreciate my cooking skills a bit more 😉 I’m definitely looking forward to sitting with my family for meals – although it’ll be hard adjusting to meal times again! As a student, life is a bit spontaneous so you kind of eat at random times.

Also, my gymnastics gains are fabulous. I’ve never had so much muscle – especially in my arms! I’ve been working really hard to do more push ups and HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) work outs since letting it all slide with my leg injuries last summer and honestly I’ve never seen such fast results. Like I said a post or two ago, I can do somersaults. Ok, so I can only do them in a gym with a spring board and mats, but STILL!!! Better than before!

Obviously being ill means I find it harder to do any exercise but I’ll get there – even if I just do yoga today. It really helps me stretch out and get rid of the knots in my back (from revision!).

I’m chomping my way through an absolute bargain I found for Deglet Nour dates, they are sooo good in porridge and stuff especially as my bananas aren’t quite ripe enough yet to eat so I’m leaving them in my cupboard a few more days.
I’ve got a lot of reading to do to gather sources for my coursework essay for one of my modules, so I’ve been reading pages and pages about dictatorship and politics in Chile. (Another reason I’m jealous that Dad gets to go there in a few weeks and I can’t!) I think maybe in my gap year I’ll try and go to Latin America as I’ve never been out of Europe (going to Russia will take care of that!). I’d also love to visit Machu Pichu in Peru. (Hope I spelled that right!).

Lots of plans 🙂 I just hope I get to go to Spain this summer with my family – as you can probably tell I will do ANYTHING to speak Spanish and go to a Spanish speaking country. This might change after my Russian experience but for now I just want to go to Spain.